I think I walked around most of my life in a fog.
One that I created.
And one that felt safe to me.
Because I experienced trauma early and later in my life– the part of me that walked in the world had no idea how to be walking without protection.
So my fog included eating heavy things and sugary things to ward off people invading my space– both physically and energetically.
For me, being sexually assaulted throughout my life, there was a part of me that didn’t feel physically safe ever.
So one of my tactics was to make myself bigger in size to feel safer– which I know— didn’t actually work.
But a part of me believed it would and she would do anything to keep me from harm.
When I lost over 100 pounds about 10 years’ ago, I thought I had shed the part of the fog that was my emotional eating.
But then I was date raped.
And I was traumatized again and the part of me that had been quieted by my obsession with counting calories and working out feverishly every day at the gym, was front and center again.
I started to gain weight again– it makes perfect sense.
Without judgment, I can see how hurt I was. How scared. And how I had no idea how to be vulnerable in the world and carry these wounds without self-infliction. So of course, I did whatever I thought would work.
But the fog never made me feel truly safe or good. I later realized it also dulled my own power (the power from the most deepest essence of me).
So I did something different. Scary. Uncomfortable. Life changing.
I set an intention to move in life without the fog.
I got support from amazing life coaches.
I meditated- and did things to connect to my body (this sounds easy, and wasn’t).
I bared my deepest fears and insecurities to someone I trusted- releasing their secretive hold over me.
I confronted a lot of darkness.
I cried. I wailed. I got angry.
A beautiful person said to me once “what is in your way is the way”.
So I went into the way.
I felt like I was the alone-est I’ve ever been in my life, ever.
I wasn’t sure the fog would ever clear.
That I could find myself.
My truest self. The one whose power was infinite and extraordinary.
And yet, the mind has no idea the capacity of the soul.
I found her— or maybe I knew her along.
My guides recently told me I’m here to help women unleash their power….. makes sense to me because I also believe our biggest obstacles are directly tied to our life’s purpose.
So, here I am—- wondering if you too have a relationship with fog.
Curious if you have created any filter, layer, or barrier that felt safe to create in the past and yet now, in all truth, feels like it dulls your spirit?
You know I’m a lover of the Wizard of Oz—- especially the scene where she discovers she had the power within her all along.
The things in life that seem like they are going to break us— in fact, can break us open. I’ve had a lot of those moments in my life and yet here I am loving all the parts of me– and choosing to be a creator, not a victim.
We can heal. (Important side note: It does not undermine the accountability of others or the pain of these experiences– those are parts of the process too.)
And, when we choose to be in relationship with the most painful things in our lives in a new way —- we may realize, we don’t need the fog anymore.
Kinda like clicking those powerful sparkly red shoes, suddenly no one is in Kansas anymore.
Here’s to thinning out the fog together to unleash our most magical, powerful, love-infused lives— and if you don’t know where to start with all of this, this is what I do (and I LOVE IT! and my clients LOVE IT!!). Click here to set up a chat with me to talk about your dream.
Always, in love,